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I explored meditation for two years before anything else

Sam 34yo, Software engineer

AnxietyPersonal Growth

Three years

Everyone wanted to talk about mushrooms. I wanted to know what my own mind did when nothing was added to it.

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These stories represent individual experiences and are not medical advice. Experiences with psychedelic substances vary significantly and may involve medical, psychological and legal risks.

I explored meditation for two years before anything else

148 words

Life before I started

I was thirty-two, working in software, and permanently braced for something.

What I was experiencing

Anxious, over-caffeinated, and deeply sceptical of both pharmaceuticals and anything with the word journey in it.

What I'd tried before

Nothing formal. I read a lot and did none of it.

What I explored

Two years of daily meditation, a ten-day silent course, cold showers, and eventually one supervised psilocybin session in a legal programme.

What happened

The two years of practice made the later session far less frightening and far more useful than I think it would have been.

What surprised me most

That the session confirmed things meditation had already shown me rather than revealing anything new.

What didn't help

Cold showers, for me. Bracing, not transformative.

What I'm still working through

I still over-caffeinate. Some things are stubborn.

What I learned about myself

That preparation is not a formality. It is most of the work.

Where I am now

Steady. Practising daily. Not planning another session.

What I'd tell someone starting out

If you are curious about a big experience, spend six months getting to know your own mind first.

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