A Work In Progress

Life before I started

Before starting down this unexpected path, life felt like a fast-moving mix of a growing family, new business ventures, financial pressure, and the stress of keeping everything moving forward. I compared myself to friends and peers who seemed to be thriving while I felt stuck, tired, and without clear direction. A startup I had poured myself into wasn’t finding the success I hoped for, and I found myself operating on autopilot. Alcohol became a bigger part of my life than I wanted to admit, but I convinced myself it was normal. I had accepted the way I felt as simply what life was supposed to feel like.

What I was experiencing

I was experiencing quick, triggered anger and irritability, where small things could set me off. I rarely felt like I was slowing down or breathing, and that pressure affected how I communicated with my family. I struggled to recognize or express emotions, had low energy, and had trouble focusing as responsibilities piled up. Looking back, there was much more pressure underneath the surface than I realized. I had convinced myself I was fine, and that wasn’t entirely true.

What I was hoping for

I didn’t plan to start down this path. I stumbled into it. As I explored more and talked with people in the space, one piece of advice stuck with me: lean into what it’s showing you. I began researching, listening to others’ experiences, and incorporating tools like journaling and breathwork while learning about concepts like neuroplasticity. As I continued having experiences with psilocybin, my approach changed. It became less about the experience itself and more about doing the work, facing things from my past, processing them, and carrying those lessons into everyday life. That’s when I started to see real change.

The turning point

There wasn’t one specific moment when I decided I needed to change my health. I had gotten used to feeling a certain way and convincing myself I was “healthy enough.” I’d always been skeptical of relying on medications or substances, so I was equally skeptical of psilocybin as a health tool. What surprised me was that it seemed to push me toward cutting things out rather than adding more. I started developing aversions to things I overused or knew were unhealthy. One 3.5 gram dose in particular dramatically changed cravings I had for alcohol, fast food, caffeine, and vaping. I don’t claim everyone will have the same experience, but I even stopped drinking coffee cold turkey and haven’t had it since. That built trust in this path for me because it felt less about adding something and more about returning to a natural state.

What shaped my perception

I didn’t have much of a perception beyond thinking psychedelics were something people did socially for fun. I never viewed them as medicine.

How my perception changed

As I researched their history and traditional use across cultures, my perspective changed significantly. I began to see psilocybin as something that, in my experience, deserved to be approached with respect, intention, and understanding.

What I explored

I’ve become more intentional about nutrition, spirituality, and my faith, but breathwork has been my most impactful daily tool. Learning to pause and breathe before reacting has changed how I communicate, handle stress, and move through my day. More than anything, I’ve learned that mushrooms are only one part of the process. Lasting growth comes from the tools, connection, and work built around them.

The practices that mattered most

Many of these changes felt natural rather than forced. I found myself seeking more connection with people, community, and nature. Journaling became a major tool and eventually opened me up to therapy. Group work at a weekend retreat pushed me to seek more of it, including attending AA and NA meetings as a guest. Hearing others’ stories gives me perspective and has changed how I connect with and support people.

Where I went and who I worked with

Do Good Ranch, Individual Work

What happened

My first intentional doses started before actually taking the mushrooms, by listening to people who understood this space well. Their guidance was to enter with the right mindset: let go of control, learn from the medicine, work on myself, and get better. I quickly noticed that approaching it with intention changed the experience, even at smaller doses.

These intentional doses were extremely difficult to work through. Before some experiences, I sat with others and heard stories of severe PTSD, devastating loss, trauma, and addiction, which left me with a sense of imposter syndrome. I didn’t feel like I had anything in need of help, yet during the dose, I still found myself facing an incredibly difficult internal battle.

Coming out of my experiences, the change felt almost immediate, and changes in my everyday life followed. While this is only my experience, I’ve learned that the work surrounding it matters. The more intention, preparation, and reflection I put into the experience, the more I seem to take from it. This shaped into habit for me and helps me continuously.

What surprised me most

One of the most powerful lessons was experiencing a complete loss of control. I had spent much of my life believing control would give me what I needed. Instead, I learned I’m not in control, and I don’t need to be. That lesson helps me every day.

At larger doses, I also experienced a different sense of time, allowing me to focus deeply without feeling rushed. I could revisit pressures I didn’t realize were affecting me, including how they contributed to my reliance on alcohol, and process them rather than continue carrying them.

Changes in my relationships

As I began to understand myself better, I became better at communicating with others. Journaling became one of my most impactful tools, especially alongside breathwork and my mushroom experiences. It uncovered parts of myself I hadn’t understood and helped me recognize who I am and how I operate. Journaling has become a form of therapy for me.

Changes in my habits

I saw changes so quickly after incorporating intention that it led me to research what might be happening in the brain, including neural pathways and neuroplasticity.

Some of the biggest changes were in my habits. My alcohol cravings disappeared, I stopped drinking coffee after years of heavy use, and two years later I still haven’t gone back. I noticed similar shifts with sugar and unhealthy eating. Even clearing clutter at home gave me more space and focus to move forward with projects I had been putting off.

The hardest part

While larger doses can be extremely difficult, I’ve found the hardest experiences often lead to the most meaningful outcomes. The bigger challenge is what comes afterward. A breakthrough doesn’t mean everything is fixed, and there’s always a fear of returning to old habits. Integration means applying what I’ve learned and continuing to grow. Accepting that this work never really ends has helped me see it as a process, not a quick fix.

The most meaningful part

The most meaningful part has been seeing changes in myself and others. After hearing difficult stories and watching people’s progress, I began to see this differently. In my experience, it wasn’t about numbing a problem, but creating an opportunity to face, understand, and work through it.

What became most powerful was seeing people take an active role in their mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It wasn’t about relying on one medicine or tool, but combining the experience with personal work to improve the whole picture. Seeing real change in myself and others made me want to share it with as many people as possible.

What didn't help

Trying to control the experience didn’t help. My instinct was to panic and fight it, but I learned to let go and use my breath to stay grounded. Once I stopped fighting, I could better face what was holding me back and move forward.

I also learned that breakthroughs don’t mean everything is permanently fixed. The real work continues in everyday life. Journaling, breathwork, helping others, reflection, and occasional intentional mushroom experiences have helped me carry those lessons forward and create lasting change.

What I learned about myself

I’ve learned to give myself more grace and recognize how easily my circumstances could be different, giving me a deeper gratitude for what I have. I also realized where I wasn’t being fully honest with myself, making me more open to learning, changing, and growing.

The biggest change I've noticed

the way I handle all moments. I used to just move forward, now I breathe through all of them, good or bad and it keeps me where I need to be.

Where I am now

I’m always working on myself. I’ve learned to move through both the good and difficult moments by slowing down and breathing. Struggles still arise, and always will, but I now have a better understanding of how I want to handle them and accept them as part of life. The habits I’ve developed continue to guide me, especially the daily reminder to be grateful for what I have and each moment I get.

What I'd tell someone starting out

The most important lesson I’ve learned is, start slow and stop rushing. Research, learn from the resources and people in this space, set achievable goals, and put in the work. This isn’t a quick fix or a one-time solution. Give yourself grace, and remember that just when you think you have it all figured out, there’s always more to learn. It’s a lifelong work in progress.