Who am I when I stop competing?
Jordan 24yo, Graduate student, former D1 swimmer
Former college athlete · Three years
“For eighteen years someone told me what to do at 6am. Then nobody did, and I fell apart quietly.”
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Who am I when I stop competing?
144 wordsLife before I started
I was a Division I swimmer. My last race was on a Thursday and by Saturday I had no idea who I was.
What I was experiencing
Aimlessness, low mood, and drinking more than I ever had in season.
What I'd tried before
Coaching, a corporate job, and a lot of going out.
What I explored
Therapy, journaling, joining a masters swim club purely for fun, and volunteer coaching.
What happened
Journaling made the pattern obvious: every low point was a week where I had no shared goal with anybody.
What surprised me most
That coaching kids gave me more than competing ever did at the end.
What didn't help
Trying to replace it with a career title.
What I'm still working through
Comparison. Watching old teammates go pro is still complicated.
What I learned about myself
That I did not miss swimming. I missed structure, a team, and being measured against something.
Where I am now
Working, coaching two evenings a week, swimming badly and happily.
What I'd tell someone starting out
You are not lazy. You lost the scaffolding. Build new scaffolding.
Explore what Jordan tried
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